S is learning to use ultimatum and she does not fully comprehend the concept yet. The female species in our clan:Mom (po-po), mom in-law and I use it quite a bit on her with our different variations so here’s an example of po-po's ultimatum.
Po-po:"S, come and say good morning to po-po"
If S does not respond immediately, then
Po-po: "OK, If you don’t listen to po-po then I not going to buy donuts anymore"
After a while,S would slowly walked over to mom & say "Po-po.. cau an" (good morning)
Po-po: "Guai" (good) and rewards her with hugs and kisses.
Here’s an example how I use it often during dinner.
S: "Mom, I’m full. There’s no more room in my tummy."
Me: "Is there room for popsicle?"
S: "Yeah. I have room for popsicle"
Me: "In that case you have room for dinner. Finish dinner then you can have your popsicle for dessert."
Over the weekend, we went to a local toy store to get a car booster seat for S and she saw a Pokemon toy that she wanted but I told her that I wasn't getting it that day and this was her ultimatum.
S: "If you don’t get me this Pokemon toy then I don’t like Pokemon anymore!"
Me: "I see. So.. you don’t really want this toy because you don't like Pokemon anymore."
S: "No… I love Pokemon and I want this toy"
Eventually she picked up the proper usage of the ultimatum and used it in the right context.
Me: "Here’s your favorite dinner, chicken rice noodle soup"
S: "That's not my favorite. I don't like chicken or rice noodles. I like curly noodles with soy sauce"
Me: "You are having rice noodles today and curly noodles another day"
S: "If you don’t give me curly noodles, then I’m not going to eat!"
Me: "You have two choices, eat this rice noodle soup or time out."
S: "NO.. I don’t want time out."
Me:"Good, sit down and eat your noodles"
Her ultimatum usage is still inconsistent but it's fun to watch her learn.
3 comments:
It seems a bit weird to be using ultimatums. It seems like if you're going to use an ultimatum then it should be a correct one.
e.g. If summer doesn't want to say 'good morning' then po-po should say that she'll be very sad, not because of donuts. Then it's up to her if she wants to say good morning or not.
I never liked that aspect of growing up. Eventually she'll figure it out and pretty soon it will be part of her and she'll use it to manipulate others to get what she wants.
I didn't like the ultimatums either when I grew it. As a child I used to think that If I'm good then they love me and when I don't meet their expectation then they hated my guts. (Which is not true but as a child, I didn't figure that out.)
As an adult, I figure that was how our parents were brought up so that's the only way they knew how to raise children so I've forgiven them for that.
I learn to show Summer that I love her unconditionally when she's good and bad. I also will teach her not to use ultimatum when she doesn't get her way once I figure out what to teach her. Parenting on the fly.
I can only imagine how difficult it is to raise a child. Good Job Sis.
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